How To Plan A Vacation To Pattaya, And What To Avoid While There

Dive into the heart of Pattaya with me, Mike, as I take you under my wing to discover the ins and outs of an affordable Thai vacation that'll stay etched in your memory forever. With my buddy David from Denmark as our guide, we'll unravel the secrets to stretching every dollar—or baht, in this case—from landing hot flight deals to choosing wallet-friendly accommodations. Whether you're yearning for the luxury of a five-star hotel or the authenticity of a backpacker's hostel, I’ve got the lowdown on how to live your best life in Thailand without emptying your pockets. Plus, get the real scoop on navigating Pattaya's transportation maze; find out why baht buses and scooters could become your best friends on this tropical escapade. 

But it's not all sunshine and budget tips; I won't shy away from exposing the underbelly that could darken your trip. Ever had a night out soured by a padded bill? I'll show you how to sidestep this common pitfall and keep your bar hops carefree. And in a story that's as harrowing as it is a wake-up call, I confront the taboo of child exploitation, a grim reality that lurks in the shadows of Pattaya’s neon-lit streets. When a casual acquaintance reveals a sinister intention, I'm thrust into a nerve-racking standoff that sends him packing from paradise. By walking with me through this episode, you'll be armoring up with the know-how to savor the vibrant Thai culture, dodge the dark spots, and travel with your conscience intact.

Chapters

• 0:00 Planning a Budget Vacation to Pattaya
• 15:42 Avoiding Scams and Negativity in Thailand

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to the seventh episode of my Thai wife podcast. I'm Mike and unfortunately I'm still doing this podcast without my lovely, lovely wife, sunari. In today's episode we will discuss three topics how to plan your vacation to Pattaya, what are the things to avoid while you are there and, in my opinion, what is the best time to come to Pattaya and why. So here we go. Before we start, we have to make a fictional character for all of our examples. So let's say his name is David and he's from Denmark. All the examples that involve money will be in baht, unless stated differently.

Speaker 1: 0:43

The first thing anyone should do before spending any money on anything is knowing their budget. For example, you're thinking on purchasing a new phone. The phone market is flooded with thousands of options for all possible budget and uses you can think of, from 100 us dollar or less for an entry level Chinese or even Samsung phones to the most expensive Android and Apple phones that could cost up to 2000 us dollars and in some cases, even more than that. So the first thing to understand is how much are you willing or able to spend? So in my opinion, when planning a vacation, you need to do that as well. There are many factors to consider when planning a vacation in Thailand, like flights, hotels, transportation and some kind of daily budget. I know people that can spend 10,000 US dollars or even more during the yearly one month vacation Pattaya after flying business class that costs 4500 US dollars and I know many guys that come with just 1000 dollars to a month's vacation in Pattaya and enjoying themselves just as much. It all depends on the budget and on what are the standards you are used to. Do you normally stay in five stars hotels and renting luxury vehicles on your vacation, or are you used to stay in a cheap room with shared bathroom and every Friday you go to 7-eleven to buy detergent in order to do your weekly laundry routine? After you decided on a budget let's say about 3500 US dollars for the whole trip, you need to know how long are you planning to be there. So it depends, of course, on your job or if you are retired or not. So, just for the example, let's say David is still working. He's a world-known sperm donor and professional trained model conductor.

Speaker 1: 2:36

After speaking with his boss, he was told that he can take a two week vacation on January. He need to start looking for flights right now, because usually the flights get more expensive if you are booking them closer to the flight date, so it's better to book them at least a month ahead of your vacation. I recommend booking the flight yourself using Skyscanner, kiwi, kayak or some other website that offer the same service. I always use Skyscanner, but you can use whatever you are comfortable with Now. A flight from Copenhagen to Bangkok and back in mid-January with a stop in Dubai airport costs 1200 US dollars, 15 hours from Bangkok to Thailand. I also found a cheaper flight, but it takes much longer around 38 hours with 3 different stops for 944 US dollars. There is also an option for direct flight that takes 11 hours for 1823 US dollars. So, after considering those 3 options, david prefers to take the first option with the stop in Dubai, for 1200 US dollars. It's still relatively cheap and quick. Also, he cannot take a sheet on an airplane, so a stop in Dubai would be perfect for this reason. That means, after buying the ticket, his budget is now 2300 US dollars, which is 82,000 Thai baht in today's rate.

Speaker 1: 4:05

The next thing that David needs to book are hotels. As mentioned in the previous episode, there are many options for hotels. Everything depends on your budget and what facilities are important for you when booking a hotel. David just needs a room with balcony. He is a smoker and he needs the hotel to have a pool and a gym. I think it's better to book the hotel room ahead of the trip, but that's not a must. When I book a room in hotel, I usually use booking or agoda. Also, if you choose a hotel, compare prices between few of those websites, because there can be a big difference in prices. So after a quick search, I found 3 options for the hotels. I chose the cheapest option that offers all the facilities that are important for David. It costs 11,000 baht for the duration of the trip, but for extra 2000 baht it will include breakfast as well. David likes his breakfast, so he will go with that.

Speaker 1: 5:04

After paying for the hotel, david still have 69,000 baht, but he have to consider transportation from the airport to Pattaya and back to the airport at the last day. Usually it costs around 1200 or 1500 each way, so he cut 3000 baht from his budget. That leaves him with 66,000 baht. Now, after booking the flight and the hotel, it seems that David is going to stay in Pattaya for 13 days in total, so he divides the remaining budget with the number of days he will stay there. In order to get an average daily budget After way too long, math is not his strong side. The calculator gave him an answer of 5,076 baht. It may look like a lot of money to spend every day in Pattaya, but there are many things he haven't considered yet, like food. He likes his lunches and dinners. Also, he also wants to buy some gifts for his coworkers.

Speaker 1: 6:08

Transportation in Pattaya is fairly cheap. Bat buses, their blue pickup trucks with the seats, cost 10 baht every time to use them, and if you are using Bolt-X or Grab-Texy apps, the motorbike taxis cost around 50 baht to almost any location you want to go within the city, and car taxis in those apps usually cost 30% more than that. But David decides to rent a scooter and a helmet for the duration of the trip. That is something I do advice to do when you are already there. Also, do yourself a favor and take pictures of the scooter from all angles before you take it out of the rental business in order to prevent scams. David is also a responsible man, not like most of you pieces of shit out there. So if David decides to drink alcohol, he will not be using the scooter the same day. In those occasions he will use the Bat bus. Again, a quick search online shows that you can rent a 110cc scooter for around 120 to 150 baht per day, on the condition you will rent it for two weeks. So it will be around 2000 baht plus gasoline, which shouldn't cost more 500 baht. So that still leaves David with 4890 baht per day.

Speaker 1: 7:26

David is a hungry boy, so he will eat three times a day. Breakfast is already covered by the hotel, so let's say, every lunch he will eat something from the food vendors that wandering around. The prices are fairly cheap, usually between 40 baht to 80 baht for Pad Krapau, pad Thai or Cow Pad. So it will be an average of 60 baht daily for lunch. But every evening David likes to take his favorite lady boy of the day to a restaurant for a date. A nice restaurant usually costs something around 500 baht per person. So now the daily budget is 3830 baht per day. That's still a lot of money.

Speaker 1: 8:06

David likes to drink beers but unlike you shitheads, he won't be doing that every day. But when he does he gets absolutely wasted, waking up the next day remembering nothing, having a nuclear hangover and excruciating butt pain. Out of the 13 days he will drink 6 days for 1000 baht. For that he will get around 13 beers each day. He drinks and whenever he gets drunk he likes to get mouth-fucked by a lady boy back in his hotel, which can at least lead us to a partial explanation to the bad hole pain he is experiencing.

Speaker 1: 8:41

For any adult entertainment in Pataya there are normally two kinds of prices short time price and long time price. Short time is a term to describe a short session with an entertainer, normally until you come, most anywhere from 1000 baht to 1500 baht. Long time, the entertainer will stay with you all the night. The price for long time usually starts from 2000 baht. Also, if you are picking the entertainers at the bars, there is a fee you have to pay to the bar. That's called bar fine. The cheapest bar fine I saw was 300 baht, but in some bars they can be 500 baht or even more. There are still more things to consider when calculating your budget, like laundry, other forms of entertainment like water sports no, you sick fucks, I mean something like jet ski or diving, going to watch movies or shopping gifts for your peers. But if you plan the budget as I told you, there will be around 1000 baht left every two days, which should be more than enough for all those things. So for now we will say goodbye to David, we will wish him good luck and hope he won't treat STDs like pokemons and try to catch them all.

Speaker 1: 9:57

That leads me to the second part of this episode, which is things to avoid when in Pattaya. The most important things to avoid when in Pattaya are STDs. I don't want to alarm you guys, but there are many of them out there and they are always on the rise AJV, cphilis, monkeypacks, herpes, ganaria, clamidia and many more. There are three things you can do that will lower the chance of you getting STD by 99.9%. Number one I can't emphasize this enough always and I mean always wear a condom. Number two don't be stupid. If she looks sick, don't go with her. Number three again always wear a condom.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Also, a tip for your backdoor lovers out there if you plan to get fucked, try to get prescription for PrEP, which is pre-exposure prophylaxis or something like that, but it's always go by PrEP. It is a medicine that reduces your chances of getting AJV from sex, which will prevent you from getting AJV. If you do encounter an entertainer that carries it. You need to start taking it two weeks before you plan to be impaled. But most of the people that I know that have AJV in Pataya are ladies. So I tell that to everyone. I don't care what kind of sex you like, be careful. I heard many stories of tourist and barlades. Sadly, some of them I know personally that got sick in the recent years, so please be extra careful.

Speaker 1: 11:36

Another thing I advise you to avoid are the police. By that I don't mean you have to run away every time you see a police officer, but, as many other countries in these areas of the world, the hard line between policemen and criminals is sometimes fading. I have never encountered any of these shenanigans, but I heard many stories from other Farangs and from many Thais that I have spoke with that sometimes the police like to make problems for random people and to make those problems disappear you need to do something that rhymes with tribe, so they will leave you alone. Normally I heard that happens to Farangs that already did something borderline illegal, like not wearing a helmet when driving motorbike, even if you are on a motorbike, taxi, smoking those horrendous vapes and things like that. Again, I have never faced something like that, but it's better to be safe than sorry, so I advise you to always carry extra 2000 button cash and stash it somewhere you would remember, like a pocket in your wallet or your phone case, just for that wonderful occasion.

Speaker 1: 12:45

Another thing is to avoid scams that target tourists, like jet ski scams or any other type of rental scams. The way it works is very simple they let you rent something that is already broken and then try to make you pay to get fixed by accusing you of damaging it after you bring it back. Easy way to avoid those scams is by renting from an established business with good credentials, like online reviews and etc. Another way is by taking many photos of the rented vehicle before you take it out of their hands. Again, that is not something I encountered myself, but I have seen it happen many times to find that we are unaware of such scams taking place in Thailand. Now for something that did happen to me once and that was enough to teach me a lesson Avoid your bill being padded At every bar you are visiting in Pataya. After your first order, they will bring you a small jar like container with your bill and for everything extra you order, they will add a new bill to that container. When you decide to leave, they will take all the bills in that container and give you a unified bill that sums all of your orders of that day. Learn how it works in Pataya.

Speaker 1: 14:04

Once I went to a night out at the old soya made in Thailand long before it was named midnight and just sat there at a random bar. It was kind of empty, just two more pharangs and five or six ladies. After an hour or so the other pharangs left and I was there alone with all the bar ladies Having fun, listening to some music, dancing, ringing the bell several times and drinking a lot of drinking. Of course I ordered many lady drinks for the ladies, but at the end of the night, when I was ready to leave and after I already negotiated with one of the fine ladies I met that night in the bar on a price for spending the night together, I asked to get my bill. There was something unusual with it. It was 15,000 baht. I know for sure I spent there at least 10,000 baht with the bell ringing and the drinking and the bar. Fine, but no way I spent that much. So I asked them to show me the bill and there were many drinks I haven't ordered there. Now for sure you are saying to yourself hold up, mike. How can you remember what you ordered if you just said there was a lot of drinking involved? I tell you how. I never drink chung beer. I don't like it, and I never drink whiskey. And there were a lot of chung beers and whiskey in those bills. But what could I do? I already was very drunk and didn't want to make a fuss for something I cannot prove, so I just paid it. I told the lady that was supposed to go to my room with me that she can stay at the bar with her friends. I asked her if I found the bar fine and never came back to this bar again.

Speaker 1: 15:42

In short, sometimes when you are having a good time in a bar or a gogo bar, which is time-name for a strip club the staff there is padding your bill with extra things you didn't order, without you noticing, and at the end of the evening, when you are drunk and happy, you would see a hefty bill and wouldn't be able to prove you haven't ordered all those things and having no other choice but to pay up. Now there are two ways to prevent this from happening to you Immediately pay every bill you get. I know it's really inconvenient, but by doing that you prevent them from adding new stuff that you haven't ordered. The second way, which I follow myself, is checking every bill they are giving me to make sure that it's only one bill and not two bills stuck together, and also keep track of the cost of the things I ordered. I'm using my phone. At the end of the evening I compare my sum of orders to their sum of orders Also. By doing that, you are showing them that you are being careful and that it will be much harder for them to scam you.

Speaker 1: 16:46

One of the most important things to avoid, not only in Patria but everywhere in Thailand, is using drugs. I spoke about it a little bit on the previous episode, but I want to talk about it again because it's very crucial matter. When in Thailand don't do drugs. I'm not talking about smoking weed. Obviously that is kind of legal in Thailand right now and there are many stores that are selling weed. They are way too much in my opinion. I'm talking about all the other drugs that from time to time are being sold by shady looking people in the streets, like cocaine, crystal meth, heroin, mdma in all its forms are some of the drugs that are available to purchase. The drug laws in Thailand are very harsh. If you are using those drugs, you open yourself for the possibility of being arrested and incarcerated by the Thai police and finding yourself spending anywhere between few years to few decades in Thai prisons. For all the western pharangs that are listening, thai prisons are nothing like western prisons your life worth less than a cockroach's life over there and there is no real healthcare in those prisons. I know some people that spent time in Thai prisons luckily for them, not more than 2 years and all of them told me that it was the hardest experience they ever had in their lives. Some of them told me that death, rape and suicide attempts are some of the things you see there on a daily base. So do yourself a favor and, when in Thailand, enjoy it by doing all the other things Thailand have to offer, rather than doing drugs.

Speaker 1: 18:23

Now story time. On one of my previous trips to Thailand, after a week in Phuket, some guy that I know because of my line of work heard from my co-workers that I was in Thailand and reached out to me saying that he is landing tomorrow in Bangkok and that he would love to meet somewhere and hang out. We have never hanged out before. I told him that at that moment I was in Phuket, but I am supposed to go to Pattaya in few days. He said that it's great because he planned to go there anyway. So we arranged a meeting. When we met the guy was pretty drunk, but nothing I cannot handle. So I asked him what he wanted to do. He told me that he want to go to soy 6 because he heard it's crazy over there. I don't like soy 6 that much, but I agreed, so we took a bath there.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Five minutes later we are already sitting in a bar with drinks in our hands and gorgeous ladies by our sides. We had fun for an hour or so. Nothing too crazy Good ol' soy 6, average looking girls, kind of pricey drinks and very loud environment. After that hour I saw that this guy was starting to get restless and I asked him what's wrong. He told me that those ladies are too old and he want to find younger girls. Those were his words. I assumed that he meant that the 27 years old that was grinding his cock for the past hour with her flat ass maybe is a little bit on the rough side and I thought maybe he wanted to find more farm fresh ladies like 21, 22 years old that barely can speak English by the way, he was like 29 years old at that time. So I told him yeah, sure, let's go to more bars until you can find what you are looking for.

Speaker 1: 20:11

At the third or fourth bar he was already very drunk and extremely restless. So I tried to figure out again what is wrong. And then he told me that all those ladies are old. He want someone much, much younger. That piece of shit needed to drink like 8 beers in order to have the courage to say it out loud. And then I understood. The son of a bitch wanted to fuck a child. He then told me that he heard that in Thailand it's something that can be arranged. He told me that it's the only reason he came to Thailand in the first place and because I have a lot of experience in Thailand, he hoped I can make it happen.

Speaker 1: 20:50

At first I was shocked. I tried to understand if that's some kind of a sick joke or some kind of a prank. But once I understood the real intentions of that asshole, I told him that he is a pedophile piece of shit and that I hope he die from flesh eating rectal fungus that will slowly move towards his boss and after… never mind. You understand what was my point. Then I told him that he knows I'm connected in Thailand and I will inform the right people and they will butt rape him until he die, and that the only way that it will not happen to him is to leave Thailand in the next 24 hours. And if he won't do that, I will also notify all of his coworkers, his boss, his wife, of the reason he came to Thailand in the first place. I wasn't really about to do anything, but I knew those threats would be enough for him to do whatever I say. And a day later he sent me a picture of him in Bangkok airport, holding a ticket of the same day to go back home. Needless to say, I have never seen him since, and few months later I met his old boss that this pedophile asshole and his wife got divorced.

Speaker 1: 22:00

Now there are two things I wanted to explain by sharing this story. Avoid hanging out with pedophiles and don't be like him. The last thing I think it's better to avoid when in Pattaya is well, our negative people. This city attracts all kind of people from all over the world, but unfortunately, some of the people that come to Pattaya seems to complain all day. You would normally hear them talking about how stupid and inefficient the ties are. They will always tell you that everything was better in the old days. Everything around them now sucks the new tourists sucks, the new ladies sucks, the new bars you guessed it, they suck also. Don't think they act like that because they are nostalgic for the old days. Oh no, they were exactly like that in the old days as well. They just like to complain. If Pattaya sucks so much, why do they continue to come here every year? I tell you why because back home no one takes them seriously enough to listen for even half a minute to the negative bullshit that's pouring out of their mouth, and my guess is that they cannot get any human interactions and sex back home.

Speaker 1: 23:14

People come here to have fun and enjoy the exotic environment, the beautiful ladies, the hot weather. If you can't find even a single thing to enjoy, so maybe don't come here at all. I have a friend that owns a bar in Soichia Poon Soipothol. He always tells me that the hardest thing for him in his job is listening to all those shitty customers that come and complain about everything in his bar the girls are ugly, the beer is expensive, the music sucks, the toilet are dirty, the chair is squeaking, but they will still choose to come to his bar every single day when they are there. Don't be like those guys, please, and, more importantly, don't hang out with them. They will bring the negative energy to your vacation and by hanging out with them, you are also giving them an encouragement to continue being assholes.

Speaker 1: 24:09

For the last segments of today's episode, I need to give a short introduction first for the people that have never been to Thailand. Unlike many western countries, thailand have a tropical weather, which means there are two seasons dry season and wet season. Unlike non-tropical weather, the difference in the season isn't determined by temperature Usually they are almost the same all year long but it is determined by how many rainy days are at a season. So it's also effect tourism in those countries. No one wants to come to Thailand for it to rain 21 days out of a month, right? Well, this is why I'm here to try to prove it wrong. Thailand have another kind of seasons tourism seasons High season, which is from November up until June, and low season June until November High season is usually packed with tourists and, as a result, the prices for everything are skyrocketing and the low season, where there are not as many tourists and the prices are back to normal.

Speaker 1: 25:17

For years, I used to come to Thailand during the high season. I knew that everyone does it also, so that means, of course, that it's the best time to come to Thailand. However, for the past two years, every time I went there it was during the low season, the raining season. Last year I was there July. This year I went there August and it was great. It wasn't as packed. Getting out of the airport was very quick. Like 25 minutes after I landed I was already in a taxi. The prices were better. I had to switch hotels in the middle of the trip and that was a breeze. Yes, it rained quite a bit, but I didn't mind it. There were no floodings, so you just would get a little bit wet A great way to cool off from the Thai heat. Just carry around an umbrella and you'll be just fine.

Speaker 1: 26:09

I've spoken with other pharangs that were there at those times and almost all of them agreed that it's a very different experience than going in a high season. They also told me that there were much more entertainment options in the bars. Actually, they told me it was in a ratio of 1 to 10. So for every pharang that was there, there were 10 ladies for him to choose from. Normally it's much less than that.

Speaker 1: 26:34

After experiencing both of tourism seasons in Thailand, I think that I enjoyed more in the low season, but that doesn't mean that the high season doesn't have its own pros. There are many more tourist activities. It's also much more party oriented. The streets are much livelier, there are a lot of events, parties, street vendors and people in general to meet and have fun with. So it all depends on your preference, but I prefer but I am when it's more quiet. Ok, so I'm trying to arrange a surprise for you guys for next week's episode. I'm not sure if it will happen, but I want to bring a very special guest. So make sure to come back next week and thank you for listening to us. We really appreciate that. Please send us more questions, emails, stories or whatever you want to our email, mythaiwifepod at gmailcom. Again, it's mythaiwifepod at gmailcom. Or you can reach us via all social medias. So see you next week and thank you for listening. Bye, bye.